I lost my expression. (just this time)

I always wanted to create beautiful things with my hands, with my mind, with my soul, with my heart.

The fact is, all I dream about was to invent/create whatever I could to the fullest. To create something pleasant

To create 

something made from my own blood and sweat, 

                         from my dead neurons and my bloodshot eyes, 

                         from my own.

Of course, I appreciate all the help and stuff i could get, but merit my effort, my expression, my art.

(especially if I am the propagator/creator/inventor)

I was pondering the other day, what if I lost it all?

I didn't even consider thinking about it.

Coz' I won't let go.

I must fight for my love

and I must fight for my factor income, merit. self

But somehow I lost some it all.

somehow, somebody took it

somebody ate it

somebody killed it

==========================

You stole my love.

stole it all.

but sometimes you cant do anything about it

but sometimes you just have to let somethings go.

Good thing I don't really mind (just 66.67% or 2/3 bothered)

Good thing I trust you (after all)

Good thing your a friend (yes ,still)

Good thing I know you could do better. ( I give up)

-------------------------------------------------------

I'll give up this time,

just this time.

I'll be better next time.

be better next time.

---

back to work, no emo muna :))

I'll work better, promise :P

- another egocentric blog.

Avalon

I'm an astronaut who's not with himself

flying through the airwaves

waiting to land on the moon

its either heads or tails

Doesn't matter when,

I'll wait till sunrise comes

or maybe till next eve

where light enters earth again

I saw it, I saw the moon

I have whispered it in your ear.

I know, I don't want you to know

with a low sound baritone voice, i sang.

"We wrote the sky with the fireworks"

I remembered we took turns

and stole each others names

but you never knew i already loved the moon

Its now or never

never or ever

I'm near the area of gravity

or am I already there?

I suspect if I land in the moon

I'll leave earth, ill pass through the sky

penetrate the galaxy

eat time till i get back home.

I'm starving

no, I'm dying.

Let me slip away

I'm barely holding on.

I will miss you dear earth.

I will miss me.

-to my dear earth.from my floating astronaut suit.

============================================

Alam mo naniniwala ako at bakit.

ang lumot at tuwa
ay di maipinta
dahil kahit kailan
di sila nagsama

sa buhay na tigang
malayo ang bintang
sa tunay na buhay
ako ay nabitay

nasaan ka na ba?
ako ay patay pa
di pa ko sinilang
di pa ko ginalang

mga paa, oso
mga kamay,bobo
wala ng natira
pagkat akoy lanta

mahirap isipin
kailangan tangapin
sa sariling mata
ako'y isang tanga

mali man isipin
patay ang tunkulin

-------------------------------------

real i am

Sear me with the torch

so i could burn and fade away

Let me be in ashes

so that i could fly sky high

Shadows lurk when ignited

behind the high walls we've built

Creates my own powerful void

in which I am more likely powerless

Say me something electrifying

so that i may be revived

just a spark could make inferno

but I am not in Rome (so don't bother about me)

Strike me within

make my soul be resolved

for I yearn not to be withered again

I yearn to touch the flame and fire

but it pains to do so.

-----------
**editted

Tell em' its pretty ugly ( Sire, here's a crab for lunch.)

Crab crab crab

almost mispelled as

Crap
crap
crap...


----
Crab mentality.
Our social monster

We all want to get to the top

but most of us don't want others ahead of us.


They grab your pants when your on the stage to get you down

They all want to be the star




Sometimes they are already at the top,
but at random instances, they bury their foot on our faces.

They have their own blackhole in their hearts.


Sucking everything for the sake of one thing


their own selves.

---

We all have this phenomenon on ourselves
Although not always active, we strive for whats better for us
more breathing in
than
breathing out




although not entirely BAD
to have satisfaction on our palms
if we kept on doing it
we will create our own
quicksand





-----------------


whats this all about?

don't be greedy as hell
Biblically


Matt. 14:13-2

remember how a boy gave everything
every loaf and fish he had on his bag

How he spilled his guts (metaphorically)
for five thousand people who he basically doesn't care about

every other guy/gal could've done the same

but only one has the intention of sharing

what happened?

Miracle on his own two eyes
Multiplied a dozen more or even more more more

morale?

gaining everything what the world wants
doesn't necessarily mean that you gained the world

whats better is to put to use what you have

numbers don't make sense if math isn't invented
money is still plain money, plain power, unless used well

Having is cut 50% without Giving
---

-my thought train last Nov 2010

The lightning looks good, must be Grace.

shazaaaaam




from
magic spells
to
toilet smells

--------------------


I never knew this would have to come
The real realization of reality has finally awakened my dead soul
killed the king in my mind
and astonished me with grace I always disregarded

----

The fight is still not over
I felt ashamed
I have never fought the way I should
nor the way I could

That tar pit
That quicksand
That madness
all
gobbled my feet and my bones
crushed my head
drained my heart
swallowed me whole


but i still have my soul intact
-----



The greatest lessons were taught by experience
-----------

I thought i was a goner
but
 I didn't die

-----

It took me a hard fall to get to myself


and
that hard fall was the same fall i had long ago
the epic fall i had on the same
season


for the same


reason




but
this time only lighter

because i know how to fall correctly.
---

I fell

I chuckled
I cried
I ceased
I closed my eyes
I came to my senses

I prayed

" Must be tiring huh?"
" Yep, guess i wasn't that smart"
"well you are smart, but not wise"
"..."
" you should not waste what i gave you the first summer we met"
" I'm vulnerable to my emotions"
"I'll guard your heart"
"what if  I fail you again"
"I ll always love you."
"im so sorry"
"Just be HONEST this time, Ill always forgive you if you come with a clean heart"

------

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
I want to see you.

fast blog (straight run, from a straight sun) approx 3 min

Dark and ignorant

facets of disturbance and death







Leave the leaves alone

coz the willow is bad  as the night

put
flame upon it

-------



sometimes the best weapon is in your mind

and sometimes its better not to show it.


and kill from afar



a sh*t from behind (shot)




-------------------

return to the abyss
where melodies sang

but i think im too late for the boat

because it already sank

in the bloody mind of an iceberg

part shown, part hidden


like any other geniuses

that devoured the whole earth




-----

Who are the patriots?